To Date or Not to Date....

This may sound crazy but a few years ago, I think my freshman year of college, I said ‘when I reach 22 years old I would give up on dating’. Which is insane, I know, my college friends thought the same. But, what can a girl say, the dating scene is absolutely atrocious.

Men these days want to be courted, they do not have personalities, they have no drive or ambition for anything in life, and all they care about are the physical attributes of a relationship instead of the emotional. Saying that reminds me of, Love Island (loved, season 8). The way relationships on Love Island are portrayed to the audience reflect the current dating scenes each year the show airs. This season we had to see red pill men, men who go tit for tat with women, pathological liars, lustful men, and manipulators. What a way Love Island was able to cast such despicable men, but it is not out of this world because there are men like that in the outside world as well. They did their big ones with Carl, Bryce and Caleb. Which is three out of the many men that ha e been on the show this season.

Alarming, I know. However, the chances of casting a lot of men who actually like women, authentically, is hard.

Besides the point, people like to say that we are in a male loneliness epidemic, however THEY ARE NOT LONELY ENOUGH!!! These men are truly evil. Like they will sit up there and “speak life into you”, just so they can have your body in return. Like who are you feeling like? And that truly stems from society letting men think that they are guaranteed to everything—that damn patriarchy. That is why I never feel bad when I am mean to men, they will be ten times worse to you, you just have to beat them at their own game. Which is a toxic and annoying cycle, but when the worlds is against you, you have to fend for yourself in this male centered world.

However, as much as I do love that, I do want to have a love life. I feel everyone is guaranteed that, but it should not come with being a someones test dummy, or someone’s stepping ground just so they can fulfill something in their own lives. What happened to courting and yearning? Why has that become a lost art? Why is it being called being a simp?

It seems rather corny how men do not like to see ‘in love’ with the women they are with, due to how they think their friends are going to view them. If you consider your friends opinions on how you are going to pursue someone, you need to learn to find some individuality in life. They do not live fort you and vice versa. A lot of men operate like this, and it is annoying to see. Why would you dump a girl because your fiends said she is not attractive? Is she dating you or them?

Mens relationships with their friends is a key factor as to why there is a male loneliness epidemic. Stop considering your friends opinions and learn to form your own.

I feel, like I strayed away from my original opinion.

As I was saying, I really want to date some more. Limiting myself is not good and I am missing out on some experiences in life. I am also way too gorgeous to waste it on not flaunting my beauty. I do want to say thank you to Aniya and Carl, and Bryce and Trinity for giving me hope that there are men out there who are not male centered and actually care for woemn.

Every women is entailed to having her dream romantic experience happen, no woman should be shamed for it, it should be embraced. Loved seeing Aniya get her fairytale romance and for Trinity to find a partner who listens to her and makes her feel seen. This especially touches home when you are a dark skin black woman. The dating scene is already tough, but being a black woman it gets even tougher. Men are easily intimidated by you, they assume you wouldn’t be interested, or they use you as a guinea pig.

That is one of the key factors of why I gave up on dating. Why must I suffer to have the same romance as other girls who are a lighter complexion than me? This goes deep, unfortunately Black women are truly one of the most undesired species in the world. Everything become a hundred times harder when you are a Black woman, especially romance. You are meant to settle for ‘struggle love’, just to be loyal, and to be ‘resilient’ towards anything happening to you, since that is what happened historically.

These type of ideologies do not sit right with me. When Black women experience Black love it is meant to be beautiful but it can take a turn for the worse when we are meant to stay so we can be loyal to our racial group. Which equates to nothing, from my perspective. The day media stops portraying Black love as struggle love, that is when the Black community can be lifted from the curse of enduring hardships labeled as ‘love’.

Love is meant to be something beautiful and something that everyone should experience.

The mass hardships that come with it kind of defeats the purpose.

Something else that is key to have to discernment in relationships. Discernment is important, it will save you from suffering in the long run. It is something that I pride myself on having. I have been a few first dates in my life, not many second dates. I always feel like amounting to a second date does not happen due to how the guy acts after the first one.

Many of the guys I have dated have icked me out in ways I did not know were possible. They have made me hate movie dates as a first date, they have made me hate men who have no personality or even care to be a bit whimsical. This also shows that men love to dim a woman’s light and humble her. These men have tried that with me, it did work sometimes, cause I felt like I was undeserving of love, since I seemed to be so undesirable. But, if I continued to think like that then that means they have won something over me. I shall never give a man the gratification of that.

Why should I compromise myself to make you more comfortable? Why should any of us compromise?

I will begin to date with a more open mind, while also being true to myself and my standards.