The Romanticization of Toxic Relationships!!!!!

Is it dark romance or is it an abusive tendency in a relationship? 

There are a lot of pieces of media that glorify toxicity in relationships, and people tend to enjoy it. Which is kind of weird, cause is there a screw loose?......................................................................................................Yes, there is. 

When I think of people being in relationships where their significant other belittles them, harps on them for small things, and they still decide to stay, I wonder why. Like what would make you say, “yes, I will stay in this relationship.” There can be a lot of factors like mental well-being and childhood or past trauma, which are important to factor in. However, when it gets to people glorifying it like it is ‘hot and love’, I become scared because you should want more for yourself. Love is meant to be something beautiful, not something that makes you feel like shit.  

I get a little irritated when I see people composing books or movies that show toxic relationships but pass it off as dark romance, like nooooooo, that is abuse. Just because a man is overly jealous does not always mean he loves you, he is just extremely possessive, and it will cause you harm later. Relationships are meant to be additions to your lives, not burdens.  

They are not husband and wife by the way.

By now we have seen, ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ (2009). This movie essentially centered around how these people are going to handle their relationships, forming ripples in them. I do want to point out Jennifer Connelly’s character, ‘Janine’. Janine and her husband (Bradley Cooper) were in the process of renovating their house, which is stressful. Her husband saw a pretty young thing (Scarlett Johansson) at the grocery store, and that is when everything changed. They began having a disgusting affair all while he was still married. The part that was jarring to me was he told her in Home Depot as they were buying supplies for their home's renovations. Like you could have picked somewhere else. However, she wanted to make it work because she needed things to be in order in her life and that affair would have disrupted the order. There were also times when she would question if he was smoking and he would lie and say it was the workers. Which is insane because why lie over something so simple, but considering that smoking killed her father, it holds a lot of weight to her. They did end up getting divorced after she found the pack of cigarettes that he claimed to not have. Overall, her portion of the movie shows how many people will be in relationships that have been struck by infidelity all for the sake of keeping up appearances for the public eye. This may not seem abusive, but it is because it was mental abuse. He kept lying and spinning two sides of the coin with her. He lied about the cigarettes and stopped the affair. No relationship should be built on lies even though they are married.

Now to go global, there is this Chinese television series, ‘Pursuit of Jade’ (2026). The show had these side characters Manager Yu and Qi Min. This relationship puzzled me in the beginning because in their first scene together, her body recognized him, but she didn’t just yet. I also felt a bad vibe from him, but there was an audience of people who thought they would make a good couple.  

This is what they called a dark romance, it may seem like it, but he is evil.

EEEEKKKK.  

Scary.  

Then we did get to learn that they were together forcibly on his end. She had a kid with him who was 6, but he was in the dark for a bit until he learned about the kid, and it turned to hell after that. Many things were happening, and she and her son ended up getting kidnapped, and it was such a hard watch. He threatened to kill ‘their’ son copious amounts of times unless she would obey him. What mother wouldn’t make sacrifices for her child? However, it was hard to watch, but the hardest part was people shipping them, saying it was dark romance. I also argued and said it was abuse. He is using her son’s life against her so he can have control over her.

This portrayed how quick people are to classify things as dark romance once the male counterpart is attractive. The attractiveness of someone can determine how much they are allowed to get away with. Many villains in media are being portrayed as attractive so it can appeal to the female gaze, so they do not pay attention to the bad attributes of the character, which is kind of icky, but that is how people get traction to their work, by appealing to the audiences they know would enjoy it. Like in Euphoria (2019). Nate is being played by ‘Jacob Elordi’. He is a tall, good-looking athlete who was abusive towards Maddy during their time together but also got into a relationship with Cassie.

He was essentially rewarded for this behavior. He was dealing with toxic masculinity and his sexuality, however, that does not excuse his behavior. Nate was comfortable with being toxic with Maddy because he truly never got much flack for it, and he would find a way to manipulate the situation to make himself the victim. Behavior like that does not portray love; it is just a man who knows he is in control and operates however he feels like. 

Check Sam Levinson's computer.

Media like this is something that requires critical thinking skills to be able to discern certain things. Discernment is key to knowing the why and how of a situation that seems dangerous. This is also something that young audiences should not consume because they may assume that such behaviors get you rewarded with things. 

Being comfortable with toxicity is harmful. It develops Stockholm syndrome.  

Not to get sidetracked, but something that puzzles my mind is how many women will be with men who have control over what they wear, who they meet with, how long they can be out. I assume a partner is a partner and not a parent. This concept of men being in control of women and they assume it is him being caring and that it is love, is mind-boggling. That is abuse. All that control is never good. This concept is shown in media as well, like a person being so enamored with how their partner operates day to day, does not equate to what love should look and feel like. 

A partner is meant to be an addition to your life, not something mentally taxing.