Looking Ahead

Am I suffering from the Black woman curse of having a mid life crisis and solving it by going back to school and getting another degree?

Lately, I have been contemplating on going back to school, which is insane considering the current climate of the country. It may sound dumb and chicken of me, but considering we are living in a fascist dictatorship, I have to ponder on this investment. Education is truly is an investment. It should be available to everyone, but it has become inaccessible due to cost and inclusivity issues.

I do have my Bachelors of Science, so it would make sense that I go to graduate school. However, I do not know what I would go back for. At one point, in life I wanted to be a Cardiac Anesthesiologist, a Lawyer, a Paralegal, a Data Analyst, a Web Designer, etc. I dreamt of so many things but never had the balls to actually do something about it because it seemed so unattainable and expensive.

I am limiting myself, to a plethora of opportunities and experiences all because I am scared. Fear is something that can easily dim your light. I do not want my fear of failure to hold me back because I would not be living my life to the fullest, I would just be a bystander in my own life.

That is no way to live.

I was talking with one of my coworkers and she said someone told her I should go back to school to become a lawyer. I said “who is going to fund that?”. Law school was a dream of mine, but I factored in the fact that textbooks are like $600+, you cannot work your first year, the bar exam is almost $2,000 each time you take it. With those factors and the fact that I am do not know if my nervous system can handle cold calling in class, I steered clear of Law school. I always told myself that if I attended, I don’t know if I would make it out alive the first semester. Crazy to say, but I gotta be real. Medical school is a far reach because I know I would not survive that whatsoever.

That’s why you have to really think about what you are going back to school for. Like I know what I am interested in but would it make me have stable income in the future. Stable income is key in this world considering how expensive society is getting by the second. I know, I would have to take out loans to fund graduate school, which is inevitable, but it is also hard since there is a cap on loan dispersal due to the current administration we fall under. Why must all of this happen while I am trying to live my life to the fullest? As selfish as it sounds, it feels unfair and disrupts my plans.

One thing I do know for sure though is I do like being creative and working on data in an office setting, but to get into a career like that nowadays it is more like—who you know and not what you know—unfortunately.

The most important thing that I do have to remember is that I am young and have a life a head of me (till 30 or 40) to live, I should not limit myself due to my surroundings and feel like a caged bird.

Let’s see if I will actually think it through and make a collective decision for my self. <3